Keeping up with the Joneses

MONDAY 1 JANUARY

203 lbs. (but post-dinner), alcohol units 0 (includes New Year's Eve), GameBoy hrs 5.

Food consumed today:

1 Kg Lasagne
8 fish fingers
2 packets of wine gums (250 gms)

Noon. LLN: my flat. Ugh. The last thing on earth I feel physically, emotionally or mentally equipped to do is study. Have decided that it's time to finally finish Link's Awakening on the GB. My mother texted me last night wants me to ring home like a good little boy. Must get onto that sometime soon.

11:45 p.m. Ugh. First day of New Year has been much like last few days of last one. Cannot quite believe I am once again starting the year in a single bed on my own. It is too humiliating at my age. I wonder if they'll smell it nextdoor if I have a fart out of the window. Having skulked at home all day, hoping hangover I could clear said game, I eventually gave up and set off for the kitchen for a Lasagne a la Fish Fingers. Felt rather bloated afterwards.

I racked my brain frantically to think when I last had a proper stool. The trouble with having a small room is that their very few places to put a large chair, so the stool would have to do. I'm halfway through a very satisfying shite at the moment. Very satisfying.

1 a.m. Oh, why am I so unattractive? Why? Even a man who wears bumblebee socks gets more "action" than I do. At least I think that's what these young people are calling it these days. I'm not that bad really. I was recently described as a renaissance man, by someone who hasn't quite grasped what century we're living in. Hate the New Year. Hate everyone. Anyway, have got giant tray-sized bar of Milkybar left over from Christmas on dressing table, also amusing game of Police Quest to get back to. Yesterday I was bored so I typed in "remove clothes", screen goes blank, 'game over', but it's too late I've seen everything.